


Beach Real Estate

by ficontessa



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Beach, Beach realtor, Emails, Epistolary, Fluff, M/M, McShep - Freeform, Patrick Sheppard is an overbearing dad, SGA, real estate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:47:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26412130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ficontessa/pseuds/ficontessa
Summary: If you're going to go all in on wacky AUs, why NOT one where John is a beach realtor? This is ridiculous and I'm not even sorry.
Relationships: Evan Lorne/Cameron Mitchell, Rodney McKay/John Sheppard
Comments: 33
Kudos: 86





	Beach Real Estate

**DON’T LET YOUR NEXT HOUSE WALK AWAY**  
**GIANT FLIP-FLOPS ARE HARD TO FIND**

**__** _-sign in front of Sheppard Realty_

…..

 **From** : jsheppard@sheppardrealty.com  
**To:** psheppard@sheppardrealty.com  
**Subj** : May Sales Report

Dad-

Sales and rental reports from May are attached, as is your profit dividend report. Let me know if you have any questions. I sold that two-unit building near the boardwalk, finally. Also, Tammy from the Fudge Shoppe on 92nd stopped by with what she said was your monthly fudge delivery? You helped her buy that building when I was a kid – do you mean to tell me she’s been repaying you in fudge for the last thirty years? When you asked if I wanted to take over the business, I didn’t know THAT was the kind of shoes I’d be expected to fill, jeez. Anyway, I’ll bring it up to you when I come by for dinner on Sunday. If there’s any left.

Rental season is ramping up and college season is ramping down, so Evan is just about done teaching his last class and will be out next week to take over the rental management. He emailed and said he has a new handyman he’d like me to meet, so I’ll let you know how that works out – anyone would be better than Kavanaugh. 

Thanks again for taking the cottage out of rental circulation this year and letting me stay – I promise I’ll have the kitchen upgrades done by the end of the season and the whole place repainted and the outlets switched out by the time I move out. 

Oh – I’ve started playing around with the old sign out front. I know you always just had it say welcome to the beach or whatever, but I picked up an extra set of insertable letters on the cheap, so I’ve started changing out the message every week or two. Just wanted to let you know, even though I’m sure the eighteen small business owners who stop in here to check on me every other day have already told you.

Tell Betty I said hi, and don’t argue with her about your medication. Talk to you in a few days.

John

…..

**RENT FROM US**  
**GET 4 WALLS AND WE’LL THROW IN THE ROOF FOR FREE**

**__** _-sign in front of Sheppard Realty_

…..

 **From** : elorne@sheppardrealty.com  
**To** : jsheppard@sheppardrealty.com  
**Subj** : your paperwork sucks

J-

If you’re going to manage the rentals in the offseason while I’m teaching, you’re going to have to stop pretending to be one of my art students. ‘Splatter painting’ is not an effective data management technique. Put the right information in the right text fields or I’ll paint an extremely offensive mural on your office wall.

E

PS: Meeting with Mitchell for lunch tomorrow. Taking the contract paperwork with me – thanks for approving him as the lead for the repair crew. Bates and the cleaning crew are up and running full time – he’s staffed up with college students for the season as usual. Let me know if you want me to schedule them to come by the cottage – I remember exactly how messy you are. I doubt much has changed since college. 

PPS: I stole some of your dad’s fudge, but I’m going to blame you if he asks.

.

 **From** : jsheppard@sheppardrealty.com  
**To** : elorne@sheppardrealty.com  
**Subj** : Re: your paperwork sucks

E –

Can I get that offensive mural painted in soothing beach tones?

J

…..

**BUY A BEACH PLACE**  
**PLACE A BEACH BUY**

**__** _-sign in front of Sheppard Realty_

…..

 **From** : rmckay@cullenlegal.com  
**To** : jsheppard@sheppardrealty.com  
**Subj** : Real Estate Inquiry

To Whom It May Concern-

I am reaching out to inquire about the possibility of acquiring a residence; my new coworkers recommended your real estate firm, regardless of the somewhat nonsensical signs. Please contact me at your earliest convenience.

Thank you,

M. Rodney McKay, Esq.  
Senior Associate  
Cullen Edgerton Law Offices

.

 **From** : jsheppard@sheppardrealty.com  
**To:** rmckay@cullenlegal.com  
**Subj** : Re: Real Estate Inquiry

Mr. McKay –

Thanks for reaching out. Are you looking to rent or to buy? If you’re hoping to rent, I’ll send you over to our fantastic rental management director, Evan Lorne, who has an encyclopedic knowledge of all of the units we have available and most of what everyone else has, too. If you’re looking to buy, I’ll be the one helping you – I’m a certified Realtor, and I handle our sales department.

Let me know, and have a great day!

John Sheppard

PS: Your office is only a couple of blocks from ours, right? Feel free to stop by anytime. If you’re new to the area, I’d be happy to recommend my favorite restaurants. 

.

 **From** : rmckay@cullenlegal.com  
**To** : jsheppard@sheppardrealty.com  
**Subj** : Re: Re: Real Estate Inquiry

Mr. Sheppard – 

I’m looking to buy. I’m new in town, yes, but very busy – Cullen brought me in to handle the entire contracts department, and I’m swamped because whatever idiot was here before me completely abdicated all responsibility months before I showed up and the entire archive is a mess, let alone the new contracts process. It’s unbelievable. So it’s much easier for me to handle everything by email, if that works for you. I’d be happy to hear about your restaurant recommendations, though, especially if they deliver.

-Rodney

M. Rodney McKay, Esq.  
Senior Associate  
Cullen Edgerton Law Offices

.

 **From** : jsheppard@sheppardrealty.com  
**To** : rmckay@cullenlegal.com  
**Subj** : Re: Re: Re: Real Estate Inquiry

Rodney –

No problem, email is fine. Let’s work out a list of your must-haves and dealbreakers, and I’ll pull together a listings report for you. I do recommend that you see the places in person to make a final decision, but if you can wrangle an afternoon away from your contracts, I can set up viewings for every place you’re interested in in one day. It’s a pretty common thing to do around here – a lot of our buyers are out-of-towners, buying second homes and investment properties, so they usually just come into town for the day and we do all the showings at once. 

Let’s talk about what you’re looking for – how many bedrooms? Bathrooms? Are you looking for a single family home, a condo, or a townhouse? Low-rise building or high-rise? Oceanfront? Ocean view? Do you need water access for a boat? What about outdoor space and amenities – are you looking for a yard? A pool? Direct beach access? How much maintenance would you prefer to do (or not do)? And, of course, let me know your price range.

As for restaurants – I’ve attached the list that we send to all of our renters of recommendations, but I’ll tell you right off the bat that the best place for breakfast is Layton’s, and the best pizza is Tulley’s. Blue Swan is great for sushi, and the best Italian in town is at Trattoria Agnolotti. Oh – and if you’re a donut connoisseur, hit up the Prune on 102nd, not the one on 15th. The fryers run a little hotter on the north end, for some reason.

-John

…..

**PEOPLE OF THE WORLD**  
**BEACH UP YOUR LIFE**

**__** _-sign in front of Sheppard Realty_

…..

 **From** : jsheppard@sheppardrealty.com  
**To** : psheppard@sheppardrealty.com  
**Subj** : Just so you know

Evan ate your fudge.

-J

.

 **From** : psheppard@sheppardrealty.com  
**To** jsheppard@sheppardrealty.com  
**Subj** : Re: Just so you know 

That’s not what Dr. Biro says.

.

 **From** : jsheppard@sheppardrealty.com  
**To** : psheppard@sheppardrealty.com  
**Subj** : Re: Re: Just so you know

Having the owner of the kite shop check in on me is one thing, but interrogating my DENTIST is absolutely beyond the pale. Also, Evan probably bribed her. With fudge.

PS: Is the faucet in your guest bathroom still leaking? I can send Mitchell to fix it – he’s been angling for a chance to come ogle the estate.

…..

**RENTALS, SALES, AND WITTY BANTER**  
**INQUIRE WITHIN**

**__** _-sign in front of Sheppard Realty_

…..

 **From** : jsheppard@sheppardrealty.com  
**To** : rmckay@cullenlegal.com  
**Subj** : Today

Hey, Rodney, it was great to run into you at Layton’s this morning. Glad to see my restaurant recommendations are helpful – love that the place is so close, it’s practically right in between your office and mine. It was fun to meet you in person! Thanks for introducing yourself after they called my name – and of course I was happy to share a table with you, that place can get crowded during the summer season, as you now know! Good thing the waves were high this morning to make me later than usual, eh? (See what I did there? Eh?)

I’ll get started on sending over some listings ASAP – thanks for telling me your list of requirements!

John

.

**From** : rmckay@cullenlegal.com  
**To** : jsheppard@sheppardrealty.com  
**Subj** : Re: Today

Oh, ha, yes, I get it, very Canadian of you. I’ve never had ANYONE say ‘eh’ to me, EVER. You’re absolutely the first. Anyway, thanks for sharing your table this morning. I wish they delivered – those waffles were fantastic, but I don’t know if I’ll be braving the crowds again. I don’t really have time to wait in line for things – you would not BELIEVE the way these idiots are trying to handle this latest contract issue. 

Rodney

…..

**RIDE THE WAVES**  
**INTO A HOUSE**  
**(NOT LITERALLY)**  
**(FLOOD INSURANCE INCLUDED WITH EVERY SALE)**

**__** _-sign in front of Sheppard Realty_

…..

 **Ronon SURF MASTER Dex:** We on for Thursday?  
**John SURF MINION Sheppard** : yea  
**John SURF MINION Sheppard** : omg can you please change my nickname  
**John SURF MINION Sheppard** : chat server admin privileges aren’t supposed to be abused for personal power trips  
**Ronon SURF MASTER Dex** : Sure thing, bud.  
**John SURF BABY Sheppard** : thanks  
**John SURF BABY Sheppard** : dammit ronon  
**Ronon SURF MASTER Dex** : See you Thursday. 

.

**72nd Street Urgent Care**  
**Patient Name** : John Sheppard  
**Attending:** Dr. Beckett  
**Diagnosis:** Minor ulnar fracture; significant abdominal bruising, head wound (5 stitches).  
**Discharge:** SELF  
**Discharge instructions** : Cast to remain on forearm for four weeks; keep stitches clean and do not wash for 24 hours. Rest and NSAIDs. Check in with primary care or Dr. Beckett within 48 hours for followup. Stitches will dissolve within 7-10 days. Do not pull.  
**Additional notes** : See attached file for patient notes from previous incidents.  
**Internal note:** _J- follow this up with a phone call. He won’t come back on his own. Also, if his dad calls, send it to me. -CB_

.

 **From** : rmckay@cullenlegal.com  
**To** : jsheppard@sheppardrealty.com  
**Subj** : Are You Okay?

John –

Zelenka in accounting told me that you were in some kind of surfing accident? It’s apparently the hot gossip from 65thstreet to 127th. Everybody knows you. Do we need to reschedule? I don’t mind – it sounds like you were pretty hurt. You should definitely take care of yourself. I can clear a different day to look at the houses we picked from the list. Or we can skip it; I’m not really sure I like any of them, to be honest.

-Rodney

.

 **From** : elorne@sheppardrealty.com  
**To** : psheppard@sheppardrealty.com  
**Subj** : Re: Explain

Patrick -

It’s no worse than any of the others. Nothing to worry about. He’ll be back at work by tomorrow. 

Evan Lorne

PS – Thanks for letting Cam come out to the estate; he told me he’s extremely into the inlay in the foyer. He said to tell you he’s happy to come back out any time with some wood glue for that tricky drawer front in the dining room, too. I’m glad you got along with him – means a lot. You’ve been great to me since college, and I know it’s not just because I’m friends with John.

.

 **From** : jsheppard@sheppardrealty.com  
**To** : psheppard@sheppardrealty.com  
**Subj** : July Reports

Dad –

Sales and rental reports attached – your dividend report is on the last page. I just combined the files this time, seems a little more efficient. Please stop nagging Evan about my injury – I just wiped out surfing. It’s not the first time and it won’t be the last. Ronon took good care of me – you remember him, he’s got the charter fishing company that operates out of the inlet. We’ve been surfing together for years. And as I’m sure you know, Carson had a handle on everything. You can stop calling everyone in town for a report now. I told you on the phone and I’m telling you now, I’m fine. Keep at it and I’ll eat all of this month’s fudge myself, Dr. Biro be damned.

I’ll be out on Sunday for dinner and you can reassure yourself. If you’d like, you can even have Betty check me over. But you’ve got to chill. There’s no way all this stress is good for your heart. You sic Carson on me, I’ll sic him right back on you.

John

.

 **From** : jsheppard@sheppardrealty.com  
**To** : rmckay@cullenlegal.com  
**Subj** : Re: Are You Okay?

Hey Rodney –

I’m fine, no need to reschedule. I’ve got a cast on my wrist but I don’t really need two hands to show you a house or five. The lockboxes are all key coded. See you tomorrow.

John

…..

**I SAW THE SIGN**  
**IT TOLD ME TO BUY A BEACH HOUSE**

**__** _-sign in front of Sheppard Realty_

…..

 **Ronon SURF MASTER Dex** : How’s it going, Sheppard?  
**Teyla QUEEN OF THE WAVES Emmagan** : Do you need anything? We can swing by with meals.  
**John SURF BABY Sheppard** : nah I’m good. Evan made me like six lasagnas  
**Ronon SURF MASTER Dex** : Can I have one?  
**John SURF BABY Sheppard** : hell no  
**Teyla QUEEN OF THE WAVES Emmagan** : I have a couple of spay/neuter appointments tomorrow but I’m free in the afternoon if you need anything.  
**John SURF BABY Sheppard** : nope just going to have a quiet afternoon sorting through listings to see if I can find anything for Rodney  
**Teyla QUEEN OF THE WAVES Emmagan** : Rodney McKay from the law office?  
**John SURF BABY Sheppard** : you know him?  
**Teyla QUEEN OF THE WAVES Emmagan** : Yes, Kanaan did his HR in-doc and we took him out to lunch on his first day.  
**John SURF BABY Sheppard** : yah he’s in the house market. in the market for a house. has entered the real estate fray.  
**Teyla QUEEN OF THE WAVES Emmagan** : He’s very nice. A little intense.  
**John SURF BABY Sheppard** : we looked at a few places but none of them were quite right  
**Ronon SURF MASTER Dex** : When do you think you’ll be cleared to get back out?  
**John SURF BABY Sheppard** : when will I be cleared, or when will I be back out?  
**Ronon SURF MASTER Dex** : LOL  
**Ronon SURF MASTER Dex** : I have a charter tonight, gotta go prep. Sheppard, let us know if you need anything while you recover from your Extremely Serious Accident  
**John SURF BABY Sheppard** : I swear to god if you talked to my dad  
**Ronon SURF MASTER Dex** : LOL  
**Teyla QUEEN OF THE WAVES Emmagan** : LOL

.

 **From** : jsheppard@sheppardrealty.com  
**To** : rmckay@cullenlegal.com  
**Subj** : Check This One Out

http://www.sheppardrealty.com/mls/1956982  
Beds: 2  
Baths: 2  
SQFT: 1205

New to the market! Spacious condo overlooking the beach with updated kitchen and incredible views. Walk-in shower in master bathroom; HVAC unit replaced last year. Building amenities include indoor and outdoor pools, gym, and sauna. Beach access direct from oceanfront deck. Condo fees include cable and water.

.

 **From** : rmckay@cullenlegal.com  
**To** : jsheppard@sheppardrealty.com  
**Subj** : Re: Check This One Out 

I hate it.

.

 **From** : jsheppard@sheppardrealty.com  
**To** : rmckay@cullenlegal.com  
**Subj** : Re: Re: Check This One Out

Can you be more specific?

.

 **From** : rmckay@cullenlegal.com  
**To** : jsheppard@sheppardrealty.com  
**Subj** : Re: Re: Re: Check This One Out

I… dislike it intensely?

.

 **From** : jsheppard@sheppardrealty.com  
**To** : rmckay@cullenlegal.com  
**Subj** : Re: Re: Re: Re: Check This One Out

I got that much, Rodney. WHY don’t you like it? What’s wrong with it? And don’t you dare say it’s because the bedroom is blue. I will PAINT IT MYSELF.

.

 **From** : rmckay@cullenlegal.com  
**To** : jsheppard@sheppardrealty.com  
**Subj** : Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Check This One Out

While your services as a residential painter are much appreciated (did you do the mural in your office?), I think I’m coming to the decision that I’d prefer a single family house to a condo. Plus I don’t really like the way the back bedroom is down that long dark hallway, and the living room is definitely too small. Need more space for my desk – honestly, I’d rather have a den or third bedroom if possible, but if not there’s got to be room for some work space.

Also, the bedroom IS blue. 

.

 **From** : jsheppard@sheppardrealty.com  
**To** : rmckay@cullenlegal.com  
**Subj** : Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Check This One Out

But Rodney, it matches your eyes…

.

 **From** : rmckay@cullenlegal.com  
**To** : jsheppard@sheppardrealty.com  
**Subj** : Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Check This One Out

My eyes should be the only blue in the bedroom, John.

…..

**OCEANFRONT**  
**OCEANBACK**  
**OCEAN SIDE TO SIDE**

**__** _-sign in front of Sheppard Realty_

…..

 **From** : jsheppard@sheppardrealty.com  
**To** : psheppard@sheppardrealty.com  
**Subj** : August Reports

August reports attached. Does anyone in your vast network of entrepreneurial informants know of anyone thinking of selling in the offseason? Single family, 2/2 or 3/2. I’ve got a client who’s run through just about everything on the market without hitting on something he likes. Private sale might be his best bet.

Tell Betty I said thank you for the crab dip. Cast comes off in one more week, I’m going to have to learn to cook or something to thank everyone who’s given me food. (Just kidding, I wouldn’t inflict my cooking on anyone.)

Did you know Evan and Cameron Mitchell are living together? Is it nepotism if we hired the rental manager’s boyfriend as our handyman? Does it count if I didn’t know?

.

 **From** : psheppard@sheppardrealty.com  
**To** : jsheppard@sheppardrealty.com  
**Subj** : Re: August Reports 

Of course I knew, I had them over for dinner the day after they moved in together so they wouldn’t have to cook before they’d finished unpacking all the kitchen stuff. Why didn’t you know?

I’ll ask around about private sales. How’s the cottage coming?

.

 **From** : jsheppard@sheppardrealty.com  
**To** : psheppard@sheppardrealty.com  
**Subj** : Re: Re: August Reports

Slowly. Hard to paint with a cast. 

…huh. You know, something like the cottage would probably hit a lot of this client’s requirements. Think I’ll have him over for dinner so he can compare it to the listings he’s rejected and see if I can pin him down a little more on what he’s looking for. Thanks.

…..

**I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER**  
**RENTED A BEACH HOUSE**  
**DO IT AGAIN**

**__** _-sign in front of Sheppard Realty_

…..

 **From** : rmckay@cullenlegal.com  
**To:** jsheppard@sheppardrealty.com  
**Subj** : You’re Right

Thanks for dinner last night. I do like the cottage a lot – honestly, it’s exactly what I’m looking for. Think your dad would sell it to me?

Everything else was great too.

.

 **From** : jsheppard@sheppardrealty.com  
**To** : rmckay@cullenlegal.com  
**Subj** : Re: You’re Right

“Everything else,” huh. Not sure I’ve heard it called that before.

.

 **From** : rmckay@cullenlegal.com  
**To** : jsheppard@sheppardrealty.com  
**Subj** : Re: Re: You’re Right

This is my WORK EMAIL, John.

.

 **From** : jsheppard@sheppardrealty.com  
**To** : rmckay@cullenlegal.com  
**Subj** : Re: Re: Re: You’re Right

So… see you tonight?

.

 **From** : rmckay@cullenlegal.com  
**To** : jsheppard@sheppardrealty.com  
**Subj** : Re: Re: Re: Re: You’re Right

Sushi? Your place, 7? 

…..

**SUMMER’S OVER**  
**GO HOME**  
**AS LONG AS YOUR HOME IS A HOUSE YOU BOUGHT FROM US**

_-sign in front of Sheppard Realty_

…..

 **From** : elorne@sheppardrealty.com  
**To** : cam@mitchellrepairs.com  
**Subj** : pie

I forgot to take the chicken out of the freezer – can you grab it before you start your rounds? And do you want blueberry or apple pie? I’ll stop over at the Evans farm on the way home and pick up fruit for the filling.

Also – I owe you twenty bucks, you called it.

.

 **From** : cam@mitchellrepairs.com  
**To** : elorne@sheppardrealty.com  
**Subj** : Re: pie

Fuck, I owe Teyla a hundred. She had date AND location. Think they’ll convince Shep Sr. to sell them the cottage?

.

 **From** : elorne@sheppardrealty.com  
**To** : cam@mitchellrepairs.com  
**Subj** : Re: Re: pie

He deeded it to John before he moved down here to take over the business. I processed the paperwork for him. Maybe he’ll actually TELL him about it as a wedding gift.

See you at home.

…..

**WASH THIS SIGN**

**__** _-sign in front of Sheppard Realty_

…..

**Author's Note:**

> There may or may not be an actual Sheppard Realty in a certain beach town that I visit frequently. I may or may not have been inspired to write this bizarre AU when I drove past it. I'll never tell.


End file.
